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14-Apr-2019 13:03

The fear of being “outed” as a virgin becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.They so fear rejection for being virgins that they can’t bring themselves to approach women.Your virginity hangs around your neck like an albatross. Like there’s a great fault within you that’s holding you back but that nobody else seems to have.What are you supposed to do about the fact that you’re one of the Great Untouched?We get the Standard Virginity Loss Narrative burned into our minds early on, reinforced over and over again by pop-culture until we start to believe it’s the TRVTH, carved into stone tablets delivered to us at the base of Mount Sinai.The story turns our sexual development into a performance, just as masculinity is often a performance.

When we fail to follow the narrative we get angry, lashing out at others and haranguing ourselves in turns.

And one of the best places to start is to talk about sex.

Specifically: male virginity and the shame in ages – talking about the shame and pain of being a male virgin.

Not the details – although I’m fairly certain that losing it on Halloween means I’m secretly Goth – but the drama that surrounded it. I was convinced I was the last male virgin on campus. As far as I was concerned, it was profoundly unfair that everybody else had gotten lucky.

I resented it when my more experienced friends would talk about sex and compare their various exploits; it felt to me like they were bragging, showing off in front of someone who couldn’t possibly understand.

When we fail to follow the narrative we get angry, lashing out at others and haranguing ourselves in turns.And one of the best places to start is to talk about sex.Specifically: male virginity and the shame in ages – talking about the shame and pain of being a male virgin.Not the details – although I’m fairly certain that losing it on Halloween means I’m secretly Goth – but the drama that surrounded it. I was convinced I was the last male virgin on campus. As far as I was concerned, it was profoundly unfair that everybody else had gotten lucky.I resented it when my more experienced friends would talk about sex and compare their various exploits; it felt to me like they were bragging, showing off in front of someone who couldn’t possibly understand.Because when we fail to follow the Standard Virginity Loss Narrative, the fault lies with .